Is this what we have to look forward to?

So… I totally got busted while I was out at lunch today. Yup, got blown up by co-workers for not writing anything recently. Well, if it makes ya’ll (yes, ya’ll. shut up.) feel better, I haven’t been bitching about bars and restaurants on Yelp lately either. I’ve been slammed at work and quite honestly, it takes a bit of the snark out of me when that happens. But have no fear, for the snark shall resume.

I’ve been thinking about old people a lot lately. This even came up at lunch today too – like the old man who must be in his late 70’s/early 80’s and greets me as I walk into my local Ralphs supermarket. Did this dude ever slave over a desk with a typewriter while wearing a fedora and chain smoking (that’s what everyone did back in the day, right?) or is he just someone who has always struggled to get by? Maybe he’s a widower who’s just longing for human contact? Who knows. Whatever lies true for him, I fear we’re all headed for similar fates in this day and age. There’s no glorious retirement at 55 anymore and there sure as hell isn’t any such thing in the freaking music business so what the hell?

Now, more importantly, the other day, I was thinking about elderly people and their musical taste. Some old people listen to classical music but many more find comfort in the tunes that were popular when they were in the prime of their lives. They love Sinatra and big band, Etta James and Nina Simone. Their toes get tapping for jazz and blues, the early rock of Elvis and the Motown swing of Smokey Robinson. If this follows true for our baby booming parents, we’re getting ready to have a ton of awesome 70 year olds in about 15 years who are rocking Zeppelin and Hendrix, and sitting around mahjong tables in nursing homes debating the age old question of The Beatles vs. The Rolling Stones. I’m not gonna lie, that’s pretty fucking awesome. Can you imagine Cocoon with that soundtrack?! Kick. Ass!

But, by contrast, this prospect scares the crap out of me. Look at what we’ve got musically…. Lady Gaga, Black Eyed Peas, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, Jack Johnson, Hip Hop (in general). Now, as awesome as it would be to hear a bunch of 80 year olds jamming out to 99 Problems or Gold digger, I don’t even want to picture a world where that same 80 year old is trying to tell their grand children tales of songs for 15 year old girls and about banana pancakes. I don’t want to hear a 70 year old singing “rah rah rah rah rah blah blah blah gaga” or whatever the fuck she says in Bad Romance. That’s a sad sad future. I mean, let’s be realistic, living in the nursing home my (hopefully) future kids drop me off in to live out my last years is going to suck bad enough without having my former frat boy 80 year old neighbor sing “I’m in LA Bitch” to me in the hallway. I don’t want to be attending water aerobics classes set to Ke$ha or having evening dance classes with the soundtrack of Timbaland records pouring through the speakers. Can you picture ladies night at the nursing home with that annoying Single Ladies song playing throughout? If you ask me, these thoughts are far scarier than the prospect of working well into our golden years. Ugh, I shudder at the thought.